


Apocalypse Now

by worldstealers



Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Angst, Funny, Light Angst, Monologue, Mutants, One Shot, Psychoanalysis, Therapy, X-Men: Apocalypse (2016) - Freeform, light - Freeform, shrink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 13:34:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20083060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/worldstealers/pseuds/worldstealers
Summary: Everyone has doubts, even ancient, terrifying mutants hell-bent on annihilating the human race and creating an Eden for all mutant-kind.





	Apocalypse Now

Hi Doctor, yes, thanks for seeing me on such short notice. Not that you had a choice. Psylocke did psychic-knife her way through your door. And your receptionist!!! Sorry, that was a joke. Well not really actually, you don’t have a choice. And your receptionist is dead. And I feel I should mention up front that I don’t have insurance. But you can have my assurance that I won’t kill you if this goes well. JOKING! Oh my god your face. Relax! I’m not here to hurt you. Not right now anyway.

Sooooo a little about me, my name is En Sabah Nur, people call me Apocalypse, I’m the first mutant slash a god, and I am seriously considering wiping out all non-mutants to create an all-mutant super-race! Look, at you, you’re all like “why is he here, what does a god need with a shrink,” right? And I know, it’s probably not healthy to need validation for my actions but… I guess I’m just feeling a little vulnerable lately. I mean, I know I’m doing the right thing and my followers love me, they really do, but people are saying some really nasty things about me! I don’t mind being called Apocalypse, although I prefer En Sabah Nur, not that anyone EVER asks, but sure, Apocalypse is fine, that actually sounds pretty cool. But Satan? Come on, just because I ride around with four devoted followers, one of whom HAPPENS to look some sort of perverse anti-angel, doesn’t mean I’m actual Satan. In fact, you know what? I think Satan stole the four horsemen thing from me!

It just hurts, you know? Maybe I am an all-powerful mutant god bent on destruction but I have feelings, don’t I? And it just really gets me going when people talk behind my back! I never used to worry about that stuff. I used to have absolute faith in the unconditional love of my worshippers, but that’s all changed. I guess it all started in ancient Egypt. They worshipped me there. Held parades and ceremonies in my honor, asked that I bless every meal, every crop, every pyramid… man I really miss that. It’s the little things you know? Like people toasting in your name. You’d think it would get old but it never does. “To your health, to life, and to Apocalypse!” Those Egyptians really got it. Or at least I thought they did. Turns out there was a faction plotting against me! The whole time! Right under my nose! Here I am thinking I’m all powerful and suddenly WHAM, right in the middle of transferring my consciousness to a new and improved, self-healing body, they collapse a freaking pyramid on me! I mean, they didn’t manage to kill me but they MEANT to! And they killed my guys! While I was at my most vulnerable, I mean my consciousness was literally between bodies and that’s when you attack? That’s not a fair fight. And I know what you’re going to say, it wouldn’t have been a fair fight if I were at my best but Jesus! It was just a really low blow. I thought they loved me enough to be too terrified to move against me. 

Don’t look at me like that, I know love shouldn’t be fear-based. But I’m not talking about a relationship, I’m talking about worshipful love. And I think, and I know I’m not the professional here but I think that that should be a little fear-based. I’m a god! And don’t throw that god complex stuff at me, I’ve heard that before and it’s not a complex if you’re literally a god. Because what is a god? I mean, if we’re talking maker of heaven and earth then no, I realize I don’t qualify, but people don’t care about that. All they want is to give up the responsibility of making their own decisions. Do you know how much harder it is for an atheist to codify right and wrong? Why should they be good? People want someone like me to scare them a little, keep them in line, you know? And it’s a symbiotic relationship. They worship me, I create incentive for a functional society with rules… I’ll tell you what’s the matter with people today, they don’t fear anyone’s wrath! I gave that to my people and I’m just out here trying to do it again!

OK you’re right. God you’re good, I really can’t fool you, can I? I’m not trying to rule people this time, I’m trying to destroy humanity and give rise to a new mutant civilization. But can you blame me? Is it any wonder that I harbor a certain distrust for humans? And let’s clarify some terms here, because technically, TECHNICALLY, mutants are humans too, and that’s what everyone is always sooooo quick to forget. Mutants are humans just… better. And yet people are out here calling me a racist, saying I hate the “human race”! Ummmm I’m part of the human race? And I’m out here trying to give it an upgrade? Like… if I hated it so much would I be trying to VASTLY IMPROVE IT? No. I didn’t think so.  
The reality is, I’ve done some great things for mutant kind, and thereby for humanity! I’ve made my mutants stronger and I’ve given them confidence! I took Storm out of poverty, I saved Angel from injury AND alcoholism! And don’t forget Magneto! He had just lost his wife and kid! That guy was really hurting! And now he has purpose, something to live for, something to FIGHT for SO DON’T TELL ME I’M NOT A FUCKING HUMANITIRIAN. 

Sorry, I’m sorry, this isn’t your fault. I mean it is, in that you’re part of the less evolved branch of the species on whom I place the blame for trapping me under a collapsed pyramid for thousands of years but I do know that it’s not specifically your fault. And I did come to you for help. So I’ll cool it a little. 

But while we’re on the subject of humanitarianism, that nuclear disarmament people are always talking about but no one seems willing to take steps to actually accomplish? I did that. Yeah in about five minutes. Just BOOP, sent them all into space. Do you know how many nukes they had? SO MANY NUKES. These people are a fucking menace! To themselves! If that’s not justification for what I’m doing well I’m gonna be honest I don’t know what is. I mean, clearly these idiots were going to destroy themselves eventually. I’m just speeding up the process a little, you know? Is that a crime? OK yes, clearly it is, but SHOULD that be a crime? I say no. I really do. 

[pause. Deep sigh.]

You know what? When I came here I had a lot of doubts! I was genuinely wondering if I was doing the right thing. I actually told myself, En Sabah Nur, if so many people, some of them mutants, are against what you’re doing here, is it possible that you’re wrong? But you’ve made me see the light. I’m 100% on the right track. I was released from the pyramid rubble for a reason and that reason is to single-handedly wipe out civilization as we know it, making room for the rise of a better civilization of people I like. 

[chuckles to self]

You’re very good at your job. It’s a shame you can’t shape shift or teleport or fly or something because I almost hate to see you burn. Oh well! This has been great. Please do take the time to go home and hold your loved ones because you know what they say! The end is nigh!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked the story and want to hear it dramatically read aloud, check out our podcast, World Stealers, on iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher, or wherever you choose to listen!
> 
> https://cms.megaphone.fm/channel/worldstealers


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